Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize