he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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