remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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