I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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