just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize