I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Randomize
