my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
