..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
