in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
