I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Houston, we have a squirter
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I deserve this hangover.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
