I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
