I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have tasted many bathrooms
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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