I swear she didn't look like that last week.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize