i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
