He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
