I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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