i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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