Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Come on in and take your pants off
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