so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
did i walk over a car last night?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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