Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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