I wannas sexs uuuuu
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize