smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Girls should come with a carfax report
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
