hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
