You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
