First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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