YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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