Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
