I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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