My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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