Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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