Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
