i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
