He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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