Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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