The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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