haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
