The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
