It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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