The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
