Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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