i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
