would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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