and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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