I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
