you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize