Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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