I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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