I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
