he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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