Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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