There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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