I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
