no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
