Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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