If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
