just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
