My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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