At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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