Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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