nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
