I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
