I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
