I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You're a waste of cheezeits
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
