after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
