Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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