Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize