Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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