clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How naked do you want me to be?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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