we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
