So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
