I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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