i need an iv and a liver transplant
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
