Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I want her autograph on my taint
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
