I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
