There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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