I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize