i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
