i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
