This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
