omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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