I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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