I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
