Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
