apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
