hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
