I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
