I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize