It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
