You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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