He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize