My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
