He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
