I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
