he wants to bone in the snuggie
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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