I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
ugly people sure do ruin things
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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