you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize