the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
