dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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