i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
