are you still at the devil's house?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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