That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
