We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
