there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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