I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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