yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
