Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
