I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
