I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
