Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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