Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize