Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
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