I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize