sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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