So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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